Andy Griffith Show Wrap Party

So I thought of an idea for the post after this one, which forces me to finally write up a post about the Andy Griffith Show Wrap Party.
There was a huge problem right out of the gate with this party: that same night there was a free screening of Whip It, which I desperately wanted to see, and FOR FREE. But fine, whatever, you don't miss the wrap party for the TV show you're working on. You don't do it dudes, it is just not the way.
So I showed up via the Los Angeles Metro, which I found to be totally efficient and workable SO THERE. I was wearing, as per usual, my awesome Lost cuff links, which is how you know I was ready to party. I wore a pretty basic suit, and guess what I was underdressed. A PA at the party actually said to me, "I was expecting you to wear something flashier." So, there's that.
As usual, drinks were free and I never say no to free anything. Did I end up getting a little bit rude in conversation with an Emmy-winner? Yes, I actually did. Did I apologize via email the next day? You bet. Did she respond? No. Oh well. I also got to have some lovely conversations with people I hadn't really spent social time with before, and that was terrific (one of them might actually be reading this blog. If so, hello, Art Person!).
They had a very funny tape of outtakes and also of the cast and crew singing for Sheldon Leonard, and an Emmy was passed around, and drinks were free. Eventually it was time for me to leave:
Did I relieve myself behind a dumpster near midnight in downtown LA, even though the party had bathrooms? Yes I did.
Did I get bored waiting for the bus so I started walking toward the next bus stop as a little contest with myself, making it to about three bus stops ahead? Yes I did.
Did I have a fun time, and hope I get to work on the show next season? Yes, I did, and I do. And I got to see Whip It about a week later, so okay.

Next time: My rich inner life (it involves hanging posters).

Jews Lost In The Desert (In California)

Not too long ago, it was time for the main Jewish holidays (the new year and the holiday for starving yourself because of sins or something). Now, like many Jews during the Jewish diaspora (this is probably a time period), myself and the Jews I live with happened to be far away from a spinagogue we know well. Here's how we handled that:
Rosh Hashannah we went to services at the Laugh Factory. I am not joking when I tell you that they had pretty straightforward services for people from out of town, with almost no humor involved. We had to wait outside in the hot sun for a while before we were let inside, much like when the Jews had to wait outside the temple in the hot sun while the Greeks knocked things over just for fun. Rosh Hashannah is for commemorating these events.

When Yom Kippur came around (like a week later), I was facing a problem: I was scheduled to work, despite specifically requesting these days off, the most important days on the Jewish calendar (other than Oprah Day amirighteverybody). I eventually got someone to cover these shifts, but it took some deceit and so on.
The other problem arose out of a solution: We were going to drive up to Palo Alto to spend the holiday with my family at their spinagogue. We were less than an hour out of Los Angeles, driving up the grapevine, when we were flagged over to the shoulder by another motorist, who helpfully informed us that our car was on fire (specifically, the bottom-area, where we couldn't see). We had several abortive attempts to get the car repaired in Castaic, California, NOW MY LEAST FAVORITE PLACE ON EARTH, before we ended up renting a car and arriving in Palo Alto a solid twelve hours after we left Los Angeles. Like the Jews who had to wander the desert for forty years before reaching the Promised Land, we were stranded in Castaic, California (specifically in Mike's Diner) for like seven hours before we were allowed to rent a car and take it up to the Yay Area.
Yom Kippur was very lovely, though, except for the parts that involved not eating.
My next post will be a Hollywood story, I promise.

Premiere Party!

Not too long ago, the new season of The Andy Griffith Show premiered! And I was invited to the party for the people who were invited to neither the big deal premiere party nor the secondary premiere party. Okay, also those people were invited to this one too. NO BIG DEAL GUYS.
One of my coworkers, Kevin, told me this would be a pretty dressy event, so I took the opportunity to wear my three-piece suit and my French cuffs and my Dharma initiative cufflinks.
I got to the venue a little bit early, so I drove around for a half hour until I found a CVS where I could buy gum. So worth it you guys. I showed up at the party with gum firmly in my mouth, only to discover that I was, as always, ridiculously overdressed. Also, none of my coworkers were there yet. Also, no famous people.
The waiters were serving pink Cosmos. I did some quick boozemath and decided I could have one Cosmo now and be fine to drive home two or three hours later. Plus, Cosmos! I was so Carrie Bradshaw you guys. Actually by typing this right now I am like extra-extra-Carrie-Bradshaw. Sometimes you go to a party expecting to see a show premiere, but what you're really premiering is yourself. At a party.
On the TV was an Elvis movie. I had nothing to do, and I assumed that Sheldon Leonard had planned for an Elvis movie to be playing, so I decided I would use my phone and clues from the movie to figure out which Elvis movie it was so if Sheldon Leonard happened to walk up to me I could discuss this movie with him, which clearly meant something to him. The show's premiere was approaching, so the bartender changed the channel to Andy Griffith. Apparently the Elvis movie was just on Turner Classic Movies, no big deal. OH WELL.
Soon it was time for the season premiere of The Andy Griffith Show. Everyone shut up and sat down, and within a few minutes I remembered why I loved this show before I started working on it. It is just terrific you guys, and I'm proud to be a (small) part of it. As the episode went on, the famous people began to slip in the back. Sneaky dogs. Sheldon Leonard, too, who also announced that the premiere had done very well once it was over (we were watching the east coast feed or something I don't know). The party at this point sort of lost focus, so I chatted with an intern for an hour then went home. It's been a good season so far.

Semi Precious Weapons Concert!

So last month or maybe the month before, I took a friend to see Semi Precious Weapons, a blog I have aggressively blogged about here. But this time it was different, and for a couple of awesome reasons.
First of all, this was the first time I'd seen a SPW concert without my sister, who introduced me to the band. I wondered if they would recognize me out of context (the context being This Person is With Someone We Know).
Second of all, they have a new guitarist since the last time I saw them live. So, there's that?
And third of all, this concert was taking place at The Viper Room, which is a pretty famous place in the Hollywood region, which is where I live now. Before going to the concert, I did my research about this place, and apparently it was founded by the second in a line of at least two LA Club Founders.
When my friend M.E. and I showed up at the club, we got free Viper Room t-shirts. Believe me when I tell you that we were obviously the most hip people in the room.
M.E. was wearing a pretty fierce clubbing outfit, and I was dressed like Benjy Stone (this is my basic usual situation in LA). And then we had Viper Room t-shirts. Awwww yeah.
The concert got started pretty soon, and it was completely awesome. There were some new songs, and I sang along with the songs I knew. At one point Justin pointed the microphone at me for the lyric "I've been magnetic since I was a baby," but by that point my throat was so sore from screaming along all I could do was utter the words with a voice from the bowels of hell, like a character from Metalocalypse. So that was cool.
The new guitarist, by the way, is great. He has a whole stage act of his own and works really well with the band. So there's that.
But here was one of the highlights of the show for me: This one dude in the front row who was tripping balls in a pretty intense way. He had a beer that he kept trying to offer Justin, which Justin kept pushing away. This did not deter the man, who kept shoving his beer in Justin's face until Justin confiscated it and placed it in a corner of the stage. Then the dude's shirt came off.
That's when I realized what this guy reminded me off. He had a bandanna tied around his head and no shirt on and a crazy look in his eyes; I was staring at Dennis Hopper circa Apocalypse Now. Here is photographic evidence, courtesy of groovystilie.com:
In this picture, I have circled the face of the dude there. While this picture was taken, lead singer Justin was spraying the audience with champagne. I am just out of frame here, truly.
Eventually Justin hit him in the head with the microphone.
At the end of the show, M.E. and I waited around by the merch section to see Justin. When he saw me, he shouted out that he knew whose brother I was. FAMOUS.
As we left the club that night, I thought about how weird it was to now be living maybe less than a mile from the Viper Room, and how maybe I should start dressing cooler. Then we got a milkshake from a drive-through and talked about Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

One story, I'm a little behind

So it's been about a month since I last posted, and I'm sorry. I don't have a good excuse really. But this Sunday I'm going to a party that may just end up being a story worth telling, and I have at least two stories I want to get through before then, so let's just do this, okay?
Avid followers of the Emmy Awards will know that the show I've been interning for, The Andy Griffith Show, was nominated for at least two Emmys this year, which is some pretty exciting news for everybody working on the show. Exciting enough that it led to a pretty enormous party the night after the nominations were announced.
I was eating lunch with my fellow accountants (Oscar, Kevin, and Angela) that day, when we were approached by a crewmember (maybe a grip? maybe?) who sounded exactly like Dane Cook, but is actually very easy to deal with, which is CONFUSING. When Oscar asked him if he'd be attending the party that night, he confirmed: "How often do you get to work on a show nominated for Emmys like this?"
Faux-Dane-Cook got me thinking pretty hard on this. I had recently been rejected to work on another television show (a gig that would have paid me ca$h dollar$!) and was feeling pretty down on the whole deal, but this dude helped me realize that I'm pretty lucky to be involved at all with a program as prestigious as The Andy Griffith Show. I should get over this business on the Warner Lot, you know?
So that night I got to the party right on time (I was almost too early, but luckily I got lost walking to the bar). All the drinks were free, and so were the cab rides home. A PERFECT RECIPE FOR BECOMING A DRUNK PERSON. Included among the party-attendees were famous people and decision-makers on the show. These were, I decided, exactly who I should be getting drunk near.
As it turns out, I didn't embarrass myself much at all, though I asked a writer if the male leads on the show for which she use to write "were totally banging." She could neither confirm nor deny this idea. I also saw the show's creator, Sheldon Leonard, corner Don Knotts for the entire party and tell what I could only imagine to be a series of stories requiring bird impressions.
Toward the end of the party, they put on a blooper reel! It was like watching a Hal Needham movie (which I totally did today!). At around 2 a.m., they kicked us out of the bar, so I walked approximately .7 miles to the freeway onramp (why? why?) and hailed a cab home. On the way home, I reconsidered what Dane Cook had told me as I struggled to stay awake to give the cabbie directions. I totally got to be at a party with famous people. How often does that happen?

Not hired to be Hello Nurse

I have decided to start calling it Operation Q, as in "Operation Raise the Accountant's Q Score." So far: no progress. I'll keep you updated, though.

On a sort of related note, I got to go to the Warner Brothers studio lot on Monday. Listen: I love Warner Bros Studios pretty hard. If I followed sports, that would be the equivalent of my favorite stadium. I saw the water tower, but the Animaniacs were locked up inside (this time, at least). I also walked around a huge area, like several square blocks, of set made up to look like a city. That was kind of awesome. They had a museum that was literally 50% Harry Potter. That part was not as awesome.
Here is the reason I was there: I had a job interview. I had, through a couple degrees of connection, gotten to interview to be a P.A. on The Odd Couple, a show I really enjoy. The interview was cool, and the job would have been nice, but I didn't get it. Maybe next time.

Problems at The Andy Griffith Show!

So I have gotten through two weeks working at The Andy Griffith Show, and so far it still mostly involves filing and copying and collating and highlighting and so forth. I have gotten to go to the set, though, which is really cool and fun. We're actually sharing a building with the detective series Columbo, and I sort of accidentally walked through their set on my way to breakfast last week (the food is still incredible, by the way). No sign of Peter Falk, though.
Anyway, I am increasingly aware of a problem on our show. The accountants (Angela, Kevin, and Oscar) and I are all squirreled away in an office away from all the action. At lunch, we sit together, and the producers sit together, and the writers sit together, and so on. It is clear that there are cliques at The Andy Griffith Show. But here is the other thing: the accountants are not the cool kids. We are like math club, basically. We do a lot of stuff with numbers and seem to be eating all the time.
IT IS TIME FOR THIS TO CHANGE.
I have decided that I need us to be perceived as much cooler, at least so we can get invited to better parties. I have a few plans.
First, we are friends with someone on the lighting staff. This is not perfect, but it is totally a start. He is a real chatty Cathy, so we need him to spread the word about how cool we are to the crew, get them talking us up.
They will of course happen to mention how cool the accountants are while they're around the ACTORS. This part is key. Because everyone loves the actors, after all. The actors will invite us to one of the Actor Parties that probably exist. But here's the kicker: We will not attend.
Everyone at the party will be like "I thought we invited the accountants? How come they're not here? Are they...are they too cool to come to this party?"
Yeah, we totally are. The word will get out, and like two weeks later we'll have a party of our own. And guess who will show up? EVERYONE. Sheldon Leonard, Don Knotts, and Andy Griffith. And by this point everyone wants to chill with us all the time. They're dropping by our office, asking us to come to set all the time, and so forth. This plan will definitely work, you guys. We just have to remember not to get too conceited, because I don't think that will work out either.

Day One @ TAGS

Yesterday was my first day at my internship at The Andy Griffith Show!
Now, I'd heard that you should show up a half hour early for this kind of position, to show them you're serious. As it turned out, I overestimated traffic (I woke up at five a.m.!) and ended up arriving over two hours early. After I circled the block A BUNCH, I ended up in this tiny coffee shop where I watched TV on my phone (I know, right?) and had a cheese danish, my second breakfast of the day. It was finally time to go read in my car, and then park.
Visitor parking (which I think is me) is on the basement level of the parking lot, right next to (this is true) a women's bathroom filled with cleaning supplies and containing a sink brimming with dead cockroaches. I had to wait until I got up to the human level to go to the bathroom (the men's room had a sign saying out of order, by the by).
When I arrived in the office where I'd be working, the doors were locked. In fact, 8:30 is about a half hour earlier than any of the accountants arrive. Luckily, an assistant in another department showed up and took me around a little bit, including to: the breakfast scene.
Apparently The Andy Griffith Show exists in a weird alternate universe of free short order cooks and off-menu requests. My guide walked up to a trailer and asked for them to fry her up some turkey bacon. While they worked on that, she went to the Omelet Guy (YUP) and ordered a custom omelet. I wished I hadn't already eaten breakfast twice as I satisfied myself with a cup of apple juice and a carton of milk.
By this time, the accountants began to show up. I'd be sharing an office with Oscar, Angela, and Kevin, who are all thoroughly pleasant people and listen to mixtapes all day to escape how tedious the job can become. It took us an hour, but we set up a 2002 Dell computer for me with a '98 monitor on my desk! This is, honestly, the first time I have had such an extravagent work area. On day one, I didn't end up having anything to do on this computer, but it was nice to have, anyway.
There is little to say about the work I did today except that I saw so many invoices for so much money over the course of the day I began to grow insensitive to these sums. Much like the policies at the coffee shop where I work full time, where drinks are tossed away with some abandon, enormous quantities of money are spent on what I'd previously thought of as trivial items here at Andy Griffith.
During lunch, however, things got exciting. Once again, there was so much food, and all made to order. I had an all-carbs meal smothered in cheese, because that is how I roll. While we were all eating, my boss (Angela) pointed out Sheldon Leonard, the show's creator, who walked in wearing a pretty impressive coat of many colors. I didn't talk to him yet, but maybe some day.
At the salad buffet, I walked past Don Knotts (THE DON KNOTTS) in a t-shirt, and almost told him how much I enjoy his work, but decided against it. Then, as Oscar and Kevin showed me the sets (not inside the sets, just where the sets are), we walked past Andy Griffith himself, twice, in costume. He looked just like he does on the show.
Yes, I caught a few spoilers for the upcoming season, but in general my job has little to do so far with the ACTION. But I come in on Thursday, and Angela suggested Oscar and Kevin might take me on set then, so we'll see what comes next. I'm so grateful to have this job, sincerely. I think it will be great.

So there's an old joke

This career counselor goes to the circus for fun. On his way out, he sees an older guy cleaning up after the elephants. He goes up to him and says, "A guy like you? Doing work like this? You're very strong for your age. You could be a carpenter or something, make much more than you're making here." The guy scrapes some elephant poop off his shovel and says, "And leave show business?"
Over the course of the last few weeks, I have been in touch with the staff of one of my favorite TV shows ever (for the purposes of this blog I'll refer to it as The Andy Griffith Show). Today I went in to interview with them.
When I got to their offices, an assistant asked me a question. I was very nervous, so I assumed he was asking me "Are you Muffin MacGuffin, here to interview for an internship on this program?" I nodded yes and he led me to a small and cramped room full of people in their fifties. It took me a few moments to realize that I had accidentally landed myself among some auditioning actors, working toward a role I had no chance of getting. I eventually steered myself in the right direction, and after a brief meeting, got a spot interning in the accounting department of what is, as I may have mentioned, one of my favorite TV shows ever.
There's no way to describe how excited I am, mostly because I'm less excited than I am cautiously enthusiastic. I don't begin working until next week, so I definitely am waiting for the other shoe to drop. There is some possibility that this internship could lead to working on this show next year, and it will probably look good on my resume, and I will learn so much about TV production -- my internship will involve some interaction with every different department. But I've only been in L.A. two weeks now -- can it be working out this well?
Incidentally, many of my friends from high school are taking a road trip to Gettysburg tomorrow or so. We'd been talking about doing this since school, and now that we've graduated and they're all in the same place, they're actually doing it. Very Breaking Away, I guess.
This clip made sense to me earlier as to my day, and a little less sense as this evening wore on, but I actually ended up using four programs to put it together, so now you have to suffer through it and appreciate its relevance:

I'm Getting Too Old For This Shit... Is That What I Was Supposed To Say?

I'm twenty-two now, which feels about right. I live in Los Angeles now.

I know I haven't blogged a whole ton lately, and sorry, but I've been in the multi-month process of moving from The Place in Boston to The Hills in Los Angeles. Here are the pertinent details:
I have been here for almost a whole week, and I'm not a famous television writer yet. I have had some very encouraging meetings, though.
On Thursday I had a meeting on a studio lot, which is (as I've mentioned elsewhere) my favorite place to have a meeting. It was fairly productive, and afterwards I saw Christina Hendricks IN PERSON. This marked my first celebrity sighting since moving to The Hills, and also a reminder that I really am not getting out much, seeing as it took me days to see a famous person. The studio was also throwing a big party for the release of a movie, so I grabbed myself a free veggie burger and ice cream sandwich.
This was significant, incidentally, because I have started a process of trying to get more in shape because guess what that is the situation in L.A. I have been eating more healthy and making myself smoothies and also running and stuff and man it is less fun than pizza three meals a day.
Last night I went to a very fun musical written by someone who was described to me as being myself "in five or six years," seeing as he graduated from the same place as I and is on the fast track to writing a sitcom I really enjoy. I introduced myself to the writer, and hope to get some face time with him some time in the next two weeks. I also met an assistant director on the show, and totally talked her ear off about my opinions on different multicamera sitcoms (Chuck Lorre shows tend to make very good use of their space, The New Adventures of Old Christine has a really good set, and NewsRadio did it best). All in all, worth the four hour round trip to the show (there were also free snacks at intermission, and it was a really good musical).
In the meantime, I'm getting used to L.A. except for the way nobody seems to jaywalk, ever. I'm prepared to start this revolution, but I'll need everybody's help.
I also keep plugging away at my scripts. When someone asks if I've written anything, I'll have things to show them, and that's pretty important. If anyone reading this now wants a bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, eager-to-learn P.A. for their TV show, you know where to reach me.
Same thing goes for anyone in L.A. who wants to be my friend.

Eight-and-a-half hour shift tomorrow for my birthday. Getting ready. I may turn this into a once-a-week blog, or whatever. We'll see.